“What is important is that we get honest about our addiction, and let go of the idea of controlling our behavior with our willpower or managing our lives without help.”
Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 25
Once, after a meeting, a person said to me, “Do you have any sense of sobriety at all?” This came as a shock, like a cold slap in the face, yet it was completely accurate. For weeks I had been acting out, under the delusion that I was fooling everyone and not hurting anyone. Of course, this belief is part of the illness.
When the statement was made, I realized I wasn’t fooling anyone. People knew what I was doing even though I was careful about covering my tracks. And I knew. I began to realize that the greatest deception was to myself. The lies I told myself were the basis of the destruction around me.
I think back to this conversation often, and I am deeply grateful to that person. It could not have been easy to say, and I realize it was said out of love. A good friend is a person who gives that wakeup call, who makes that bold statement, who removes the glasses of deception. I’m so fortunate to be part of an organization that offers unconditional support, which can include uncomfortable honesty. Tough love is not a new concept, and it is vital to my recovery.
One of the gifts of attending meetings is that I get to witness honesty and, in turn, start to practice honesty in my life.
If I can be honest, I’m headed in the right direction.